My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
