I'm lost and stupid without you.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
