I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize