Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
