my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
