I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
that may or may not have been my penis.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
