Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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