I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
