Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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