My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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