Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
