I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
