Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
