Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
