You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
