Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
