New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
