So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
be right there i have to get my cape
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
