FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
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