You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
