You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
