ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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