Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Come share oat with me in your robe
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize