Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
