what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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