if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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