Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
