I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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