Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Drunk is a universal language darling
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