the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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