Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
