I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
