This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
