How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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