Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
