Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
