I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
