I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
