I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
