You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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