So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
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