I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
