You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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