I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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