You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
