girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I deserve this hangover.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
