Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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