wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
