just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
