He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
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I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
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