happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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