no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
