absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
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