We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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