That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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