What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
