dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
