I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
You were trust falling into bushes
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
