My brain says no but my pants say off.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
