Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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