Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
