Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
There are leaves in my underwear?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
