Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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