And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
