I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
