i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
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