??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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