I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Randomize
