So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize