I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Randomize
