put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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