I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Sorry about my life...
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
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