it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
