Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
