Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
