i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
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