I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
