I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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