I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
